Voldie in the USA!
by OneidaCc
Summary: When Voldemort hits the streets of New York, things go a little... CRAZY Rated T for violence only, i promise!


**Voldemort's Fantabulous Vacation**

As Voldemort waltzed to the make-up store, he gazed at the bright New York lights. He had told the other Death Eaters that he wanted to do this alone, to single-handedly kill Harry Potter, that rumor had it, he was in U.S.A. But no. It was really a vacation, a vacation to New York City! He gazed at the twinkling of Time's Square, mesmerized by the flashing Starbucks sign. "_Perfect_!" he hissed. He walked right in, not caring those staring at his bald head, flat nose, and death black robes. _He_ was on vacation. Voldemort pushed grouchy customers and moved right to the front. "Hey, buddy!" yelled a fat, drunken man. "Who do you think you are?!" Voldemort stared at the man. Who was he to question his importance? "_I_ am Lord Voldemort, of course!" He exclaimed. People around him stared, a business-woman with bags under her eyes, oh, she looked like she was about to smack Voldie with her briefcase! Three girls, wearing their pink lip gloss, miniskirts, and cute purses, puppies peeking out of them. Voldemort envied their sense of fashion. "Oh, you know!" He continued. "From Harry Potter! I came on set quite a few times to kill Daniel Radcliffe, but instead they just kept filming me! Hiding cameras in my home, all around Hogwarts. It was ridiculous!" Everyone continuously stared at him, thinking he had an overdose of medication. Voldemort was getting fed up. _"Should I kill them?"_ he pondered. "Oh well!" he decided. "_I'm_ on vacation!" He pulled out his wand while people backed away. "Ah! Avada Kedavra!" he joyfully sung. In a flash, all the customers dropped dead. Oh, how it brought happiness to good old Voldie's heart. He bent down to one of the teenage girls and ripped off her sunglasses, earings, and cute flower headband, putting them on himself. He then rummaged through her purse, throwing aside the dead dog. "Ah! Here it is!" he exclaimed, finally finding her cherry blossom lip gloss. He smoothed it on his lips. "Mmmmm!" he sighed. "Delicious!" He spun around, noticing a cowering Starbucks's employee in the corner. "You!" he ordered. "Get me a Caramel Brule'e Late and I just might let you live!" The employee rushed behind the counter and began to make the fancy drink.

The poor person held the drink out to Voldemort, his hands and body shaking in fear. "Oh, what the heck, I'll let you live!" Voldemort laughed. "You've prepared this drink so well! And you're paying for me, oh!" Voldemort winked. The employee nervously laughed and nodded up and down. "Goodbye friend!" Voldie called as he headed out the door. Not before hexing the smoothie machine of course. He held his chin up as he walked down Wall Street, window shopping and looking for a good make up store. He nodded in disapproval as he watched the police officers trying to arrest the protesters. _"Why don't_ _they just kill them…idiots"_ He thought. As he continued walking, he got flyers from a man for ballroom dancing lessons. He sauntered down the street, but stopped in his tracks. That's when he saw it. A Loreal poster with a picture of him, smoothing his hands over his head when he was reborn. Below the picture, there was a phrase. _"Because you're worth it" _Voldemort admired it so, when something troubled him.

"_Wait" _Voldemort thought. "_Are they mocking me?!"_

Voldemort bolted into the door, slamming the door shut and locking it. Running to a sales clerk, he screamed bloody murder. He grabbed the woman, shaking her, screaming, "What's wrong with that poster, I want you to tell me, _what is wrong with that poster_!" Customers around them ran to the door, but could not open it, for it was locked with a hex. They screamed, hiding behind the counter, racks of clothing, mannequins, whatever they could find. "_Now_," he hissed to the woman. "Put down that poster, and call the CEO, tell him that I want every last one of those posters _GONE_." The terrified woman ran to the window with the poster as Voldemort let go, ripping it off as fast as she could. "Okay, everybody!" Voldemort sung. "I'll unlock the door, and you can all leave. But I want to be able to try on some funky fashions and perfumes in _peace_! Do you hear me?" The civilians all murmured "yes" and as soon as Voldemort opened that door, they bolted, scattering like mice from a cat. He walked to a clothing rack and grabbed some cute tops, a sundress, and a couple of funky skirts. As he sauntered to the dressing room, he felt a sense of accomplishment. "_Ha_!" he thought. _"I have finally obtained fashion sense!"_ Once he tried on the summer dress, he felt brighter than the sun, no matter how dimmed it seemed in the polluted skies of New York. As he posed and twirled in the dressing room, he felt on top of the world! He skipped out of the dressing room and out the door. Why should he pay? _He_ was on vacation!

As he continued to walk down the street, he gazed at the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade. He loved the beautiful floats and balloons, no matter how much they…. Disturbed him. Admiring each one, he strutted down the street. He just loved the way people stared, gawking at his beautiful figure. But he stopped. There. On the street. A giant balloon. Turkey….. Voldemort dropped his bags, terrified by the beast. He had one thing that he could do. He ran onto the street, pushing people down onto the hard cement in the process. He ignored the calls of the police and ran up to one of the many men holding the balloon strings. "Hey, what do you think you're doing," he sputtered. "This!" Voldemort cackled. He took his wand and began breaking strings. Men grabbed his robes, but he turned around, killing every one. But then, he stopped. Surely he would be on the news, and the other Death Eaters would see his fake. So Voldemort needed to escape…. But how.

He looked around when he saw it. A huge spongebob balloon, only being carried about twenty men. Well, here goes nothing. Voldemort bolted towards the balloon, while men shot from guns. He began killing more men, and slowly, the spongebob balloon began floating in the air. "Here's my shot," Voldemort thought. He flew up to the top of the balloon, nestling into one of Spongebob's holes. He could feel the balloon rising faster and faster. He looked down to the City of New York to see S.W.A.T, the fire department, ambulances, and much, much more. The wind was carrying the balloon away when he heard jets. Airforce! Agh!

**Cliffhanger I guess…**


End file.
